What's the fuss to you it's all the same
I just want to know the new guy's name
I need to know so if I call and you're not home
I know who I'm abusing when he answers your phone
And assuming that my photo still hangs above your bed
I wonder as he's sweating what is going through his head
Or is he one of those guys that always keeps his eyes
Firmly closed during fellatio
 
So who's the fella this week [bad word] 
Who's the guy who's scratching your itch?
Does he make you laugh? Do you like him much?
Does he have any brains above his crotch?
Do you like to go where he goes?
Or does he just keep your ego feeling healthy?
I bet he's really wealthy
Does he have a shiny car?
Know all the blokes behind the bar?
I bet he's got a real job
Kissing [bad word] of corporate [bad word] Is his manliness reflected
In the beer cans he's collected?
Does he call you every morning?
Does his accent make you horny?
Did he get down on his knees
And offer you the key to his apartment?
 
I'm sure his sweet caresses will fill the huge crevasses
I left when I left
 
I need to know what you were doing all those years you were mine
Did you think the guy on top of you was wasting your time?
And although you always smiled when I knocked on your door
Were you wishing you were in Northbridge in a [bad word] That has black sheepskins on the seats and a set of satin sheets
In the boot in case he scores a root
 
So who's the fella this week [bad word] 
Who's the guy who's scratching your itch
Does he wear old spice and gel his hair?
Does he Nappisan his underwear?
Do you like to go where he goes?
Or does he just keep your ego feeling healthy?
I bet he's really wealthy
Does he have a mobile phone
That he uses when he's at home?
He knows everything about fine wine
And goes to clubs all the [bad word] time
Does his -drive get depleted
When Collingwood get defeated?
Is his red car a reflection
Of the size of his erection?
Does he say he has the power
To keep it up for hours if he need to?
He just never needs to