Both
 You and i are
 So awfully different
 Too awfully different
 To ever be palls

 Stewie- do you want to go first?
 Brian- yeah i’ll go
 Brian- your favorite hero is the marquee de sad
 Stewie- oh you're one to talk,* you get a stiffy from phylicia rashad
 Brian- oh one time

 Stewie- i’ve a style flair, just look at my hip hair
 Brian- oh yeah, that’s quite a nice do there
 Stewie- oh thanks
 Brian- for me to [bad word] on
 Stewie- what?
 Brian- [bad word] on you look like charlie brown
 Stewie- bite me snoopy

 Both-
 Theres not,
 whole lot,
 That weve got
 To agree on

 Brian- ‘cause i like the strains of a classical score
 Stewie- and i like that singer who looks like a [bad word] 
 Brian- rickie martin?
 Stewie- luv’ ‘em.
 Both-
 Were too different to ever be palls

 Both-
 You and i are
 (doo doo doop)
 So awfully different
 (doo doo doop)
 Too awfully different
 (doo doo doop)
 To ever be palls
 (doo doo doo doo doo doo dooyadoo doop)

 Brian- your head’s as massive as a meteorite
 Stewie- oh very funny, you have a weenie like a christmas tree light
 Brian- i’d bet money
 You’ll marry a honey
 Who’s pretty and funny
 And her name will be ted
 Stewie- oh a [bad word] joke
 Brian- i just work with what you give me
 Both- you might think we're n*sync, but we stink! as a duo...

 Brian- because you get a kick out of carnage and guts
 Stewie- and you get a kick out of stroking your-
 Brian- whoa, whoa, you can’t say that on t.v.
 Stewie- what ego?
 Brian- nevermind

 Both-
 We’re too different to ever be palls!