Gather, weary traveler, I have a tale to tell. 
It might just save your lives, but only if you listen well; 
'Cause there before the breakers, and just around the way, 
There's a sign that says, "BEWARE The Beast of Pirate's Bay!" 

Some say he's a guppy a kid threw in the sea. 
He ate so many sailors, now he's bigger than a tree. 
His teeth are sharp as scissors; his claws, they are like knives. 
And if you think he's ugly, wait 'till you see his insides! 

Oh, don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim, 
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him! 
He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out! You'd better stay away! 
Heed the sign that says, "BEWARE the Beast of Pirate's Bay!" 

Some say he's a serpent that came straight from [bad word]  
He came to eat the souls of pirates and other ne'er-do-wells. 
Some, they don't believe it; as for me, I've got a hunch... 
'Cause they used to have some pirates here... but he ate them all for lunch! 

Oh, don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim, 
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him! 
He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out! You'd better stay away! 
Heed the sign that says, "BEWARE the Beast of Pirate's Bay!" 

Well, Captain Hook (you've heard of him), he came to Pirate's Bay. 
It seems his little nemesis had nearly got away. 
He reached into the water to grab at Peter Pan... 
There was a [bad word]  and a SCREAM... 
And now the scurvy captain's got hooks on both his hands! 

Oh, don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim, 
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him! 
He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out! You'd better stay away! 
Heed the sign that says, "BEWARE the Beast of Pirate's Bay!" 

Well, Blackbeard the Pirate, you know for what he's feared 
(It's mostly for the dark, imposing color of his beard), 
He saw the beast and now nobody's scared of him, because... 
His beard turned white, and all agree: he looks like Santa Claus! 

Oh, don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim, 
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him! 
He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out! You'd better stay away! 
Heed the sign that says, "BEWARE the Beast of Pirate's Bay!" 

Well... now the tavern's empty and there's only you and me. 
And if you care I'd like to share how this song came to be.  [bad word] a little closer if you really want to know. 
This very sad and woeful tale happened so long ago... 

Well, I was just a little boy when I went to Pirate's Bay, 
And there I saw a creature that was very much dismayed: 
With a harpoon in his dorsal fin and a hook stuck in his side; 
This mighty whale was in such pain, we both began to cry. 

I pushed, and I shoved, but he wouldn't give way 
Into the deeper waters off our shallow Pirate's Bay. 
All I could do to help him was to keep people away... 
So I wrote the sign that said, "BEWARE The Beast of Pirate's Bay!" 

What did it say? 

Don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim,
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him.
He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out. You'd better stay away! 
Heed the sign that says, "BEWARE"!  [bad word]  I should know – I put it there! 
Heed the sign that says, "BEWARE the Beast of Pirate's Bay!"