First you take our worst song yet
Then you dress Zayn up as a chick
You two can play gross execs
I think I should look more Jewish
This video’s starting to suck [bad word] But how can we make it total [bad word] 
We are trying to make the worst vid ever
That is why Harry is dressed up like a nerd
What about Liam though? He needs a character
How about a homo choreographer?
And I can go oh oh oh
And dance like a stereotypical [bad word] Now let’s break stuff!
Nothing in this video
Has to do with what we’re singing
Because it’s a cheap promo
It’s an advertisement
For our horrible new [bad word] on guys we need to make this worse
Ok but let me kiss Niall first
Now let’s all prance down a hallway together
Trash this place for no reason whatsoever
I’ll pee on this girl’s desk
I’ll throw [bad word] What the [bad word] is wrong with you crazy crackers?
Now I’m in a shopping cart
Did you know I play guitar?
Nobody cares
Flip the table!
This video is officially [bad word] now
But the one thing that we are still missing is a dance
No no no!
Yeah yeah yeah!
Please don’t dance!
Now we all are doing the worst dance ever
It’s so bad it’s giving that man a seizure
Holy [bad word] guys look at that
What are those strange creatures?
We are aliens who made the planet Earth
The human race was a big experiment
And we’re sad to say this video’s proven
It was a big mistake so we now must end it
Congrats on [bad word] your entire planet
Hold on please no no no
We’ll stop the video
It is too late
Oh [bad word] we’re screwed!