Slip on your Barber jacket, jump in my old MG
We're off to the depths of Somerset to see what we can see see see
We don't wanna drink the cider, we don't wanna walk for miles
We just want to go to a stately home built in the Georgian style

I can't abide a horizontal life
It's time to rise, assume the perpendicular
Jump up and down, [bad word] sounds
And talk about nothing in particular
 [bad word] up the gravel driveway, gasp at the grand facade
Just for today we're lords and ladies, oh what a [bad word] charade!
Lavinia loves the lintels - Anna, the architraves
Ben's impressed by the buttresses [bad word] up the chapel knave

I can't abide a horizontal life
It's time to rise, assume the perpendicular
Jump up and down, make funny little sounds
And talk about nothing in particular

We'll walk the grounds by Capability Brown
Get lost for days inside the manicured maze
We'll bump our heads jumping on a four-post bed
And we'll ride for free
On the ladders round the walls of the circular library

I can't abide a horizontal life
It's time to rise, assume the perpendicular
Jump up and down, make wild ecstatic sounds
And talk about nothing in particular
Nothing in particular