There ain't nothing more depressing then a pine tree
Gussied up candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
Now I'm no [bad word] or nothing
But there's one holiday I can't stand
It's ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of everyman
HA
If I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
And all you [bad word] go to [bad word] If I ain't gaga then it ain't quanza
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
and I ain't never anything but broke
Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are [bad word] infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change.
Before we spend it all on [bad word] toys.
So if I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
Fa la la la la go [bad word] yourself!
if I ain't gaga it ain't quanza
Joy to the world of getting stoned
and if i ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
So leave this god [bad word] scrooge the [bad word] alone.