We were strolling hand in hand
We were going to see the man
We were laughing at gaffer Dan
We were happy as giant clams

But Calamity [bad word] everything
With her body and brains
She lived up to her name
She was Calamity Jane

We were kissing beside the park
As the parkie sputtered and sparked
We were bumping our birthmarks
We were happy as lilting larks

But Society Sue, she had something to prove
And when she made her move
There was nothing to do
We just had to make room for
Society Sue