I wake up every morning, Six o'clock, I`m right on time
    I eat a low fat breakfast, I tie a perfect tie
    I kiss the wife, I hug the kids, I pat the dogs and cats
    I never lose anything, my car keys or my hat

    'Cause I`m the man of the year
    I`m the man of the year

    I never cheat at finals, or miss a day at school
    My urine tests are perfect, my prostate is a jewel

    'Cause I`m the man of the year
    I`m the man of the year
    'Cause I`m the man of the year
    I`m never, ever jealous
    I'm never, ever [bad word]     I`m a graduate of Harvard
    Where I never broke [bad word] 
    The queen made me a knight
    The pope made me a saint
    The president plays golf with me
    I made Madonna faint

    So why am I so lonely
    Depressed and in despair
    If I pull this trigger in my mouth will anybody care

    It was the greatest funeral, I laid in perfect state
    And later I will meet the lord, I bet he just can`t wait

    To meet the man of the year
    I`m the man of the year
    Stand in line to meet the man
    I`m the man, I`m the man, I`m the man