Oh, he doesn't smell like Irish Spring,
And he never taught me anything,
But still I slap my chest and sing -
Of My [bad word] Irish Dad.
Oh, his face looks like a railroad map,
And he never shuts his freakin' trap...

Mickey: But all the ladies catch the clap
From your [bad word] Irish Dad.

Peter: Ask a Hennessey, Tennessey, Morrison,
Shaughnessy, Riordan, and Rooney...
They'll tell you the same
McNulty, Mulrooney, and Carter and Clooney,
All feel the same mixture of pride and of
shame.

Mickey: Finnegan, Hannigan, Kelly, and Flanagan.
Look to the ground while their dad passes by
Cafferty, Rafferty, Joyce and O'Lafferty,
Fight for his honor and then start to cry!