THE AUCTIONEER
Recorded by LeRoy Van [bad word] Words and music by LeRoy Van [bad word] and Buddy Black

There was a boy in Arkansas
Who wouldn't listen to his ma
When she told him he should go to school
He'd sneak away in the afternoon
Take a little walk and pretty soon
You'd find him at the local auction barn.

He'd stand and listen carefully
Then pretty soon he began to see
How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly
He said, "Oh, my, it's do or die
I've got to learn that auction cry
Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer."

Twenty-five dollar bid it now, thirty dollar, thirty
Will you gimmie thirty, make it thirty
Bid it on a thirty dollar, will you gimmie thirty
Who'll-ll bid it at a thirty dollar bid?
Thirty dollar bid it now, thirty-five
Will you gimmie thirty-five,
To make it thirty-five, to bid it a thirty-five
Who woulda bid it at a thirty-five dollar bid?

As time went on, he did his best
And all could see he didn't jest
He practiced calling bids both night and day
His pap would find him behind the barn
Just working up an awful storm
As he tried to imitate the auctioneer.

Then his pap said, "Son, we just can't stand
To have a mediocre man
Sellin' things at auction using our good name
I'll send you off to auction school
Then you'll be nobody's fool
You can take your place among the best."

Thirty-five dollar bid it now, forty dollar, forty
Will you gimmie forty, make it forty
Bid it on a forty dollar, will you gimmie forty
Who'll-ll bid it at a forty dollar bid?
Forty dollar bid it now, forty-five
Will you gimmie forty-five,
To make it forty-five, to bid it a forty-five
Who woulda bid it at a forty-five dollar bid?

So from that boy who went to school
There grew a man who played it cool
And came back home a full-fledged auctioneer
And the people came from miles around
Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound
That filled their hearts with such a happy cheer.

His fame spread out from shore to shore
He had all he could do and more
Had to buy a plane to get around
Now he's the tops in all the land
Let's pause and give that man a hand
He's the best of all the auctioneers.

Forty-five dollar bid it now, fifty dollar, fifty
Will you gimmie fifty, make it fifty
Bid it on a fifty dollar, will you gimmie fifty
Who'll-ll bid it at a fifty dollar bid?
Fifty dollar bid it now, fifty-five
Will you gimmie fifty-five,
To make it fifty-five, to bid it a fifty-five
Sold that horse for a fifty-five dollar bill?

Hey, well alright sir, open the gate and let 'em out and walk 'em boys
Here [bad word] with lot number 29 in, what'd ya gonna give?