Текст (слова) песни Eminem - The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We`re going to have a problem here
c
(Verse 1)
Ya`ll act like you never seen a white person before
jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door
started whoopin her [bad word] worse than before
they first get divorced throwing her over furniture (scream)
It`s the return of the
"Oh wait, no way, your kidding, he didn`t just say what I think he did, did
he?"
And Dr Dre said
....Nothing you idiots Dr Dre`s dead, he`s locked in my basement (haha)
Feminist women love Eminem
Chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I`m sick of him
look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what
Flipin` the you know who "yeah, but hes so cute though"
Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than what`s going on in your parent`s bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose,
but can`t, but its cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
my bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
and if I`m lucky you might just give it a little kiss
and that`s the message that we deliver to little kids
and expect them not to know what a womens clitoris is.
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
by the time they hit 4th grade,
they got the discovery channel don`t they?
We ain`t nothing but mammals; well some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there`s no reason that a man and another man can`t elope
But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote.
Women wave your panty hoes, sing the [bad word] and it goes... [bad word] 
I`m Slim Shady
Yes I`m the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won`t the real Slim Shady...
Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up
becuase I`m Slim Shady
Yes I`m the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won`t the real Slim shady...
Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up
(Verse 2)
Will Smith don`t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well I do, so [bad word] him and [bad word] you too.
You think I give a damm about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can`t even stomach me, let alone stand me.
"But Slim what if u win wouldn`t it be weird?"
Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. [bad word]  Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear `em argue over who she gave head to first.
Little [bad word] put me on blast on MTV
"yeah he`s cute but I think he`s married to Kim, hehe"
I should download her audio on mp3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D. (scream)
I`m sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me
So I`ve been sent here to destroy you
And theres a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me
Who just don`t give a [bad word] like me
Who dress like me
Walk, talk and act like me
It just might be the next best thing
But not quite me [bad word] 
(Verse 3)
I`m like a headtrip to listen to
Cause I`m only giving you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of ya`ll
And I don`t gotta be false or sugar coated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it (rip)
I just [bad word] it better than 90% of you rappers out there
Then you wonder how can kidz eat up these albums like valiums.
Its funny cuz at the rate im going when I`m 30
Ill be the only person in the nursing home flirting.
Pinching nurses asses when I`m jackin` off with Jergens and I`m jerking
But this whole bag of viagra isn`t working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin`
He could be workin