I spotted Miss World too good to be [bad word] 
But the club was pretty dark and I’d had quite a few

I stagger to her table sipping my brew

But just as I get there she goes to the loo

Impatient [bad word] now what do I do?

Then I cop her friend and she’s alright too

Her [bad word] in good shape above average boat

I ask her name, she sticks ‘er tongue down my throat

I’m not one to gloat or boast but take note

Twenty minutes gone and she’s getting her coat

So I down my beer – my boys start to cheer

Grin across my [bad word] from here to here

She gives me the look and I mean the look

Was it love a first sight man or somethin’ she took?

swagger in my step like a crook, then I think

The girl looks shook she’s had too much to drink

I look at her eyeballs to see if they’re pink

But I don’t get a chance cos she gives me a wink

So travel to hers in an illegal cab

Plus I know she’s a student her house is drab

In my head I'm laughing, I've put the graft in

Stereos playing some timeless Marvin

The lights dim down and the [bad word] off

But I pass out, cos her pillow’s too soft

Chrous [x2]

I don't want 

(no no no no)

To be [bad word] 
(no no no no)

I don't want 

To make love to you

I’m up the next mornin, but where the [bad word] s this

I’m trapped in girly purple abyss

It’s proving costly she took me hostage

First things first man where’s the Frosties?

I slowly tiptoe towards the door

But she grabs my left arm like I've broken the law

Now who am I kidding, I aint her guest

But she playing like she got me under house arrest

She starts with a speech about how she’s feeling

But I’m more intrigued by her lilac ceiling

Any time now there’s a question pending

She wants to confirm a romantic ending

Why do they charm you with Hocus Pocus?

I gotta get home for the Football Focus

To dodge small talk I admit defeat

Er how are you for dinner love Tuesday week?

Chrous [x2]

I don't want 

(no no no no)

To be [bad word] 
(no no no no)

I don't want 

To make love to you

As we waited at the bus stop she wanted a cab

But I made her see sense with the gift of the gab

cab’s 20 quid and that’s money for us 

Plus its it's one nugget each on the 220 bus

There’s one little issue that we gotta address

I got just enough cash for a Pizza express

Even though she’s wants Thai Chilli Beef with Mango

I’d be content with some wings from Nandos

We get to express but before we can order

She starts with a tirade that I never call her

I say I'm tryna keep my phone bills smaller’

Try and change the subject- ‘have you got taller?’

‘Don’t gimme that, that’s a loada tosh’

She says words like that she’s a little bit posh

‘All I want El is a call at lunches’

As she keeps ranting the waiter approaches

‘Be honest you want this to work or not?’

‘Er, doughballs please and an American Hot’

‘I’m talking geezer I want to know please’

‘She’ll have a Caesar with no anchovies -

And two Peronis’ he makes a note

I look back at her and she’s getting her coat

She heads for the door like a spoilt adult

More food for me ay what a result!

I don't want

Chrous [x2]

I don't want 

(no no no no)

To be [bad word] 
(no no no no)

I don't want 

To make love to you