Nicky:
Help the homeless!
Help the homeless!
Ooh! Hey Princeton!

Give me a quarter!
Here in my [bad word] on, Princeton!
It’s as easy as that!
Helping others brings you
Closer to God.
So give me a quarter...

Princeton:
I don’t have any change.

Nicky:
Hmmm....okay.

Give me a dollar.

Princeton:
That’s not what I meant.

Nicky:
Give me a five.

Princeton:
Are you kidding?

Nicky:
The more you give.
The more you get.
That’s being alive!
All I’m asking you 
Is to do what
Jesus Christ would do.
He’d give me a quarter,
Why don’t you?

Princeton:
All right, all right, here you go.

Nicky:
Ahh, thanks!

Princeton:
Take care.
Whoa!

Nicky:
What’s the matter?

Princeton:
I feel generous!
I [bad word] 

Nicky:
You do?

Princeton:
Yeah! I feel like a new person - a good person! 
Helping other people out makes you feel fantastic!

Nicky:
That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you-

Princeton:
All this time I’ve [bad word] around thinking 
about me, me, me - and where has it gotten me! 
I’m gonna do something for someone else!

Nicky:
Me?

Princeton:
No - Kate! I’m going to raise the money to build that 
stupid Monster School she’s always talking about!

Give me your money!

Nicky:
What?

Princeton:
I need it for Kate!

Nicky:
I need it to eat!
 [bad word] on, Nicky!

Nicky:
Aww, get lost!

Princeton:
It’ll make you feel great!

Nicky:
So would a burger!

Princeton:
When her [bad word] [bad word] 
It’ll all be partly 
Thanks to you
So give me your money!

Nicky:
I’d like to, but I can’t.

Princeton:
Give me your money!

Nicky:
I’d like to, but I need it!

Princeton:
Give me your money!

Nicky:
I’d like to, but I’m homeless!
I can’t! I need it! I’m homeless!
I can’t! I need it! I’m homeless!
I can’t! I need it! I’m homeless!
Okay, here you go.

Princeton:
Thank you!

Nicky:
Suddenly,
I am feeling
Closer to God.
It’s time to stop begging
It’s time to start giving!
What can I give to Rod?

Something he’ll like so much he’ll take me back. 
Ooh, I know! I’ll find him a boyfriend!

Princeton:
That’s the spirit!

Both:
When you help others,
You can’t help helping yourself!
When you help others,
You can’t help helping yourself!

Gary Coleman:
Hey boys, what’s the hat for?

Nicky:
Ooh, we’re collecting money!

Princeton:
It’s for Kate! We’re raising money to help build her dream school!

Give us your money!

Nicky:
You’ll be glad that you did!

Gary Coleman:
That’s just what my parents told me
When I was a kid.
 [bad word] 

Nicky:
But giving feels so great...

Gary Coleman:
And I bet it wouldn’t hurt
Your chances with Kate.

Princeton:
Well, that too.

Gary Coleman:
I’ll give you a dollar.

Princeton:
You’re a gentleman
And a scholar.

Christmas Eve:
We so happy! We just exchange all your wedding gifts for cash!

Brian:
Honey, don’t tell THEM that!

Christmas Eve:
We get about 2,000 bucks!

Brian:
Uh, yeah, so - thanks, everybody!

Christmas Eve:
We rich!

Princeton:
Give us your money!

Nicky:
Give us your money!

Gary Coleman:
Give us your [bad word] money!

Princeton:
Give us the dough!

Nicky/Gary Coleman
Give us the dough!

Princeton/Nicky/Gary Coleman
We’re raising money 
For a Monster School
But we’ve got a ways to go.

Princeton