ROD
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s."
No roommate to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY
Oh, hi Rod!

ROD
Hi Nicky.

NICKY
Hey Rod, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning.
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD
That's very interesting.

NICKY
He was being real friendly,
And I think he [bad word] on to me. 
I think he might've thought I was [bad word] 

ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? 
Why should I care?
I don't care. 
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod...

ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some [bad word] guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

NICKY
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. 
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

NICKY
Yeah, but...

ROD
OVER!!!

NICKY
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE [bad word] THAT'BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS [bad word] (BUT I'M NOT [bad word] )

ROD
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read....
What?!

NICKY
IF YOU WERE [bad word] 
ROD
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY
I'STILL BE HERE,

ROD
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD
Nicky!

NICKY
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,

ROD
Argh!

NICKY
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD
What?

NICKY
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD
I would?

NICKY
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M [bad word] "
(BUT I'M NOT [bad word] )
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

NICKY
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?

ROD
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY
No it's not!
IF YOU WERE [bad word] I'SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD
I am not listening!

NICKY
AND HERE I'STAY,

ROD
La la la la la!

NICKY
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY.

ROD
Aaaah!

NICKY
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE [bad word] 

ROD
BUT I'M NOT [bad word] 

NICKY
If you were [bad word] 

ROD
Argh!