Have you seen my sister, Evelyn?
Dang, she's gone and wandered off again!
I've been lookin' high and low,
Where oh where'd my sister go?
She's been known to spend some time
With a sailor friend of mine.
I called him up and what'd he say?
"I ain't seen that girl today!"

So if you see my sister Evelyn,
Tell that girl to hurry home again!
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?

Is she with the doctor? Or the plumber?
Or the dentist? Or the handyman?
Did she go to India? Or Africa?
Or Wichita? Or Pakistan?
Did she go and join the navy?
Or [bad word] crazy?
Or is she playin' a trick on me?

Did [bad word] off with the farmer? The professor?
Or the banker? Or the clergyman?
Is it possible that she could be in Timbuktu? Or Katmandu?
Or Vegas? Or Uzbekistan?
Is she learning how to do, do
The Chattanuga Chu-Chu?
Oh, golly, where could that girl be?

Have you seen my sister, Evelyn?
Dang she's gone and wandered off again!
I've been lookin' high and low,
Where oh where'd my sister go?
She's been known to jump the train
With the gal we know from down the lane.
I looked her up and what'd she say?
"I ain't seen that girl in days!"

So if you see my sister Evelyn,
Tell that girl to hurry home again!
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?

Is my floozy sister with the doctor? Or the [bad word] 
Or the dentist? Or the handyman?
Did that hoe bag quit her job [bad word] off with that [bad word] Mike to
India? Guantanamo?
Or Panama? Or Disneyland?
Is she studyin' Kabala? Did she win a million dollars?
Or is she dead in a ditch somewhere?

So if you see my sister Evelyn,
Tell that girl to hurry home again!
Where oh where,
Where oh where,
Where oh where,
Where oh where,
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?