I got a dentist who's over seven feet tall
I have a dentist who's over seven feet tall
His name is Doctor Long John and he answers every call

You know, I went to Long John's office, I said
"Doctor, the pain is killing me"
I went to Long John's office, I said
"Doctor, the pain is killing"
He said, "Don't worry, baby
It's just your cavity needs a little filling"

He took out his [bad word] drill, told me to open wide
He said he wouldn't hurt me
But he filled my whole inside
Long John, Long John, don't you ever go away, no
'Cause you thrill me when you drill me
And I don't need no Novocain today, oh

When he got done drillin' he said
"Now, Miss Middler, that is going to cost you ten"
"I was prepared to pay twenty"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, when he got done drillin', he said
"Baby, that's gonna cost you ten
But if it ever starts into throbbing [bad word] back and see old Long John
Again and again and again and again and again
Oh, yeah, oh"

"Long John"
I sold my heart to Doctor Long John
And I will never, never be the same
Oh, that's so heavy I just gotta lay back"