The K is for Kleiner, but I'm no geek.
I've gotten 5 [bad word] verdicts just this week,
so don't confuse me with my brother because I ain't no scientist.
I don't need math to solve my problems, I use guns or my fist. [bad word]  through town when I'm delivering lead.
I'm known to let my guard down to try to get some head crab.
I'm an old man and I'm Lacking a tan, with this machine in my hand
I'm still the lord of this land.
 
My Kingdom is this broken town.
My castle is the street.
This tattered rag represents my crown, 
and my throne is a bucket seat.
 
Mac Daddy Eli and I'm back from the dead,
after an alien advisor sucked the brain from my head.
I know it happened in the future, in a different game,
but this is just a stupid song so don't bug about the time frame.
Rollin' with the K Dog, patrolin' for the thrill.
I'm riding shotgun and I'm looking for some CPs to kill.
Then it's back to the crib for some ale.  We chill.  
It's just a video game, still we're keepin' it real.
 
My Kingdom is this broken town.
My castle is the street.
This tattered rag represents my crown, 
and my throne is a bucket seat.
Civil Protection you can go to [bad word] 
We ain't no slaves to pain, 
so raise your fingers to the citadel and let [bad word] reign.