Now everybody’s got a crazy notion of their own
Some like to mix up with a crowd, some like to be alone
It’s no one else’s business as far as I can see
But every time that I go out the people stare at me

With my little ukulele in my hand, of course the people do not understand
Some say why don’t you be a scout, why don’t you read a book?
But I get lots more pleasure when I’m playing with my uke.
Of course I take no notice you can tell
For mother’s sound advice will always stand.
She said "My boy do what I say and you’ll never go astray
If you keep your ukulele in your hand, yes son
Keep your ukulele in your hand."

While walking down the prom last night as peaceful as can be
When some young girl said "what about a stroll down by the sea?"
She said her name was Jane and that she’d [bad word] for the day.
She looked so young and harmless that I couldn’t turn away
So with my little ukulele in my hand, I took a stroll with Jane along the sand.
We walked along for miles without a single care or frown
But when we reached the sand hills she said [bad word] on let’s sit down."
I felt so shy and bashful sitting there, ‘cause the things I said she didn’t understand
She said "Your love just turns me [bad word] along big boy get busy"
But I kept my ukulele in my hand, yes sir, I kept my ukulele in my hand.

Made up my mind that I’d get wed some eighteen months ago.
I also bought a book about the things you want to know.
But just about a week ago I got a awful fright,
I had to get dressed quickly in the middle of the night.
And with my little ukulele in my hand, I ran along the road for Dr. Brand
It didn’t take him long to get his little bag of tools.
I held his hat and coat and let him have my book [bad word] 
Out of the bedroom door he looked and smiled
He said, [bad word] inside and see your wife and child."
My heart it jumped with joy, I could see it was a boy
For he had a ukulele in his hand, oh baby
He had a ukulele in his hand.