I was playing Xbox with a couple of friends
When my mom called and said grandma’s dying again
I told her “that sucks”, send to say I say hi
Mom yelled at me and told me that I had to drop by 
So I wafted to the nursing home we drove in my car
There were sleeping dudes in wheelchairs all over the yard
And inside the halls were scary and creepily lit
It smelled like someone took a dump and then rotisseried it
And then I found granny’s room and I went inside
“Good to see you” she said, “You too”, I lied
Then she started talking ‘bout the stuff she ate this week
I stuck my friends with her and went to take a leak
Peed all I could pee till I could pee no more
So bored I opened up one of her cabinet drawers
“Oh my god” I shouted as I burst back in
“Gran’s got a prescription of OxyContin!?”

Let’s go to the old folks home
we can get doped up and then I’ll get stoned
Let’s go to the old folks home
I’d have been there more if only I’d known
Let’s go to the old folks home
we can get doped up and then I’ll get stoned
Let’s go to the old folks home
I’d have been here more if only I’d known

Old man Bernie likes to talk ‘bout the Korean war
And if you use all of his Percodan he just gets more
And Misena doesn’t care for the Black Salam
But she got [bad word] so she gets good pot
Gladys here only has diabetes
So the best you’re gonna find is Tylenol-3’s
But Carl is my man he’s got like AIDS in his brain
And I swear to God the dude can even get cocaine
So we rip a couple lines and put on some records
 [bad word] about kids and talk ‘bout the weather
Steve craps his pants, we all leave the room
We pass out take naps some nurses bring food
Day after day as time goes on by
Some people don’t make it we get sad and cry
But new people move in and we all make friends
With new stories points of view and prescriptions
I guess the point is that the elderly are people too
And you never know how long they’re gonna be with you
But they’re sweet and they’re lonely and they still need friends
Be a good kid and go and visit them

Let’s go to the old folks home
we can get doped up and then I’ll get stoned
Let’s go to the old folks home
I’d have been there more if only I’d known
Let’s go to the old folks home
we can get doped up and then I’ll get stoned
Let’s go to the old folks home
I’d have been here more if only I’d known