Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
                                        
There's a pain where there once was a heart
                            
It's sleepin, it's a beatin'
                                         
Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve it
                      
Right there in that jar?

  
                                    Oh help me, please mama, I'm sick'ning
                                    
It's today that's the day of the plunge

Oh the gal I'm to marry 
                 Is a bow-legged sow
                                      
I've been soakin' up drink like a sponge
 
                                            "Don't ya worry, get dressed," cried my mother
                                  
As she plied me with bourbon so sour
                                   
Pull your socks up, put your suit on
                      [bad word] your long hair down,
                             
For you will be wed in the hour
 
                                    So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
                                        
There's a pain where there once was a heart
                         
I'm sleepin, it's a beatin'
                         
Can't ya please take it out, and preserve it
                      
Right there in that jar?
Yup!

("D" Over Solo)

                                  Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
                                        
There's a pain where there once was a heart
                            
It's sleepin, it's a beatin'
                                         
Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve it
                      
Right there in that jar?

                                    I was tremblin', as I put on my jacket 
                               It had creases as sharp as a knife

I put the ring in my pocket
                  
But there was a note
                                 
And my heart it jumped into my mouth

                                      It read, "Darlin', I'm sorry to hurt you.
                                         
But I have no courage to speak to your face.
                                         
But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou 
                     
There be no wedding today." 

                                    So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
                                  
You can put back my heart in its hole

Oh mama, I'm cryin'
             
Tears of relief
                               
And my pulse is now under control