Joan was quizzical,
studied pataphysical science in the home.
Late nights all alone with a testtube,
oh, oh, oh, oh.

Maxwell Edison,
majoring in medicine,
calls her on the phone:
"Can I take you out to the pictures, Joan?"

But as she's getting ready to go,
a [bad word] on the door.
Bang! Bang!
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head.
Clang! Clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

Back in school again,
Maxwell plays the fool again,
teacher gets annoyed.
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene.

She tells Max to stay
when the class has gone away.
So he waits behind
writing fifty times "I must not be so."

But when she turns her back on the boy,
he creeps up from behind.
Bang! Bang!
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head.
Clang! Clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

P. C. Thirtyone said,
"We've caught a dirty one,"
Maxwell stands alone.
Painting testimonial pictures,
oh, oh, oh, oh.

Rose and Valerie
screaming from the gallery
say he must go free.
The judge does not agree
and he tells them so.

But as the words are leaving his lips,
a [bad word] from behind.
Bang! Bang!
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his head.
Clang! Clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that he was dead.