Went down to Mexico,
I drove my black El Camino
I met up with an old gringo
He showed me round, and said to call him Joe.
I was there about a week or so,
Wound up in the general hospital,
Joe said don't drink the water no more,
How the [bad word] was I supposed to know?

Drove up to San Diego
Saw a sign for Mission Beach
And so, went out deep into the ocean,
Saw a shark and had a stroke.
Back in the ambulance I go,
Had a dream about a girl I used to know,
She said "I got to warn ya bout Mexico and California."

Earthquakes and sharks to start us off,
If Chupacabras ain't enough,
Black widow spiders and killer bees,
Ain't no shade and ain't no trees.
Black bears and heat, polluted air,
There's traffic jams [bad word] 
That's all I got to warn ya bout Mexico and California.

Woke up and said I got to go,
Doc said "Relax, just take it slow."
I tried to argue, but don't you know,
Bout California and Mexico?
Right then, the doctor hit the floor,
The building shook, then shook some more,
I looked down at him and swore,
"You son of a [bad word]  I told you so!"

Earthquakes and sharks to start us off,
If Chupacabras ain't enough,
Black widow spiders and killer bees,
Ain't no shade and ain't no trees.
Black bears and heat, polluted air,
There's traffic jams [bad word] 
That's all I got to warn ya bout Mexico and California.