When I was young I had a twist
For punching babies with me fist
And then I thought I would enlist
And join the British Army.

Refrain:
Oh too ra loo ra loo ra loo
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo
And if I had a face like you
I'd join the British Army.

When I was young I used to be
As fine a lad as ever you'd see
And the Prince of Wales, he says to me,
 [bad word] join the British Army."

Refrain

Corporal Daly went away
He left his sweet in the family way
And the only thing that she could say
Was "Blame the British Army."

Refrain

Ian Paisley has the drought.
Fill him up with Guinness's stout
He'll beat the enemy with his mouth
And save the British Army.

Refrain

We beat the enemy without fuss
And leave their bones out in the dust
I know for they quite near beat us
The gallant British Army.

Refrain

So if you're young and in your prime
And fond of every kind of crime
I promise you a jolly good time
Inside the British Army.

Too ra loo ra loo ra loo
I've made me mind up what to do
Well, I'll work me ticket home to you
And I'd [bad word] the British Army.