I’m a Christmas unicorn 
In a uniform made of gold 
With a billy goat beard 
And a sorceror’s shield 
And mistletoe on my nose 

Oh I’m a Christian holiday 
I’m a symbol of original sin 
I’ve a pagan tree and magical wreath 
And a bowtie on my chin 

Oh I’m a pagan heresy 
I’m a tragic-al Catholic shrine 
I’m a little bit shy with a lazy eye 
And a penchant for sublime 

Oh I’m a mystical apostasy 
I’m a horse with a fantasy twist 
Though I play all night with my magical kite 
People say I don’t exist 

For I make no full apology 
For the category I reside 
I’m a mythical mess with a treasury chest 
I’m a [bad word] of your mind 

Oh I’m hysterically American 
I’ve a credit card on my wrist 
And I have no home nor field to roam 
I will curse you with my kiss 

Oh I’m a criminal pathology 
With a history of medical care 
I’m frantic shopper and a brave pill popper 
And they say my kind are rare 

But I’ve seen others in the uniform 
Of a unicorn just like me 
We are legions wide and we chose no sides 
We are masters of mystique 

For you’re a Christmas unicorn 
I have seen you on the beat 
You may dress in the human uniform, child 
But I know you’re just like me 
I’m a Christmas Unicorn! (Find the Christmas Unicorn!) 
You’re a Christmas Unicorn too! 
 
It’s all right. I love you.