Do I see a frown, boy?
Are you feeling down, boy? 
I know of a place, you
Can go if you feel blue.
The staff are there to please you,
To titillate and tease you,
There's a lass called, Mona
She'll give you a boner.

Just around the corner,
There's a neon sign.
Topless bar girls every Tuesday,
6pm till 9

At the [bad word] bar,
(The [bad word] bar)
There's dancers on the poles,
At the [bad word] bar,
(The [bad word] bar) 
There are [bad word] and moles,
At the [bad word] bar, it isn't far,
You don't even need your car,
That's cause it's your local [bad word] bar.

Where everybody knows your name.
And if they don't then you don't care.
And they're always glad you came.
And if you don't then they don't care.

The bouncers have no necks, boy
Put away that  toy.
You will get us kicked out,
If you keep your [bad word] out.
Oi hey you no touching,
I thought I said no touching,
No seriously no touching,
Get your [bad word] hands off me.

In a dark back alley,
We lay bashed and [bad word] 
Not since Friends season 7,
Have we felt so abused.

At the [bad word] bar,
(The [bad word] bar)
I am filled with grief,
At the [bad word] bar,
(The [bad word] bar) 
No more hand relief,
At the [bad word] bar, I have a scar,
I can't open this cookie jar,
We need to find another,
So I will call your mother
Cause she works at another [bad word] bar...