They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter and genius
Has anyone seen the President's [bad word] 

It ain't in the White House or Judiciary
It ain't in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
An astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President's [bad word] 

The President's [bad word] is missing, ole
We searched high and low, every night, everyday
Lord, won't [bad word] down and redeem us
Has anyone seen the President's [bad word] 

Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
In the 80's we elected one or two missing their brains
And George Washington caught a cold, he couldn't quite explain
We all just learned the [bad word] about Thomas Jefferson's name

And Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn't no square
With that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
And all the lesbians snickered that Elenore didn't care
And John Kennedy's [bad word] was seen everywhere

The President's [bad word] is missing, ole
We searched high and low, every night, everyday
Lord, won't [bad word] down and redeem us
Has anyone seen the President's [bad word] 

Them outer space people would laugh if they'd seen us
All this talk about [bad word] stains and oral coitus
Meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
But we're more concerned with the President's [bad word] 

The President's [bad word] is missing, ole
We searched high and low, every night, everyday
Lord, won't [bad word] down and redeem us
Has anyone seen the President's [bad word] 

Lord, won't [bad word] down and redeem us
Has anyone seen the President's [bad word]