It was the darkest night 
There was no moon in sight 
You know the stars ain't shinin' 
'Cause the sky's too tight 
Heard the scarey wind 
I seen the ugly trees 
There was a werewolf honkin' 
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy 
Got a big [bad word] girly by the name of Chrissy 
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . . 
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

It was 11 o'clock upon a Friday night,
You know the girl and me was feeling outta' sight
We had twenty reds and a big ol' pile of weed,
You know we drank some wine and then we LSD'd

Chrissy puked twice and jumped on my bike,
She yelled, "Fire it up, 'cause you know what I like!"
She burned her leg on a tail-pipe then
And yelled, " [bad word] a-ree!", and puked again

I noticed even the crickets 
Were actin' weird up here 
'N so I said,
 [bad word] on and let's drink a little beer" 
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . " 
But there was no reply 
'Cause she was gone . . .

"Where's those [bad word] I like so well, 'n my [bad word] beer!" 
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise 
Like a [bad word] #39; twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . . 
He's about this big . . .

He had a red suit on 
An' a widow's peak 
An' then a pointed tail 
'N like a sulphur reek 
Yes, it was him awright, 
You know I knew it was 
He had some human flesh 
Stuck underneath his claws 
You know, it looked to me 
Like it was [bad word] skin 
I said, "You sonofabitch!" 
'Cause I was mad at him, 
He just got out his floss 
'N started cleanin' his fang 
So I shot him with my shooter, 
Said: BANG BANG BANG

The sucker just laughed 'n said:

Terry: 
Oh, put it away . . . 
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

FZ: 
You ate my Chrissy?

Terry: 
Yeah! [bad word] 'n all!

FZ: 
Well, what about the beer then?

Terry: 
Ah . . . Were the cans this tall?

FZ: 
Even her boots?

Terry: 
Now, would I lie to you?

FZ: 
 [bad word]  you musta been hungry!

Terry: 
Yeah, this is [bad word] 

FZ: 
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff you do?

Terry: 
Well, you know
I [bad word] when the [bad word] through . . .

FZ: 
I want my Chrissy

Terry:
Yeah?

FZ:
I want my beer

Terry:
So what?

FZ:
You just puke it back up, boy 
Do you hear?

Terry: 
Blow it out your [bad word]  motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil, 
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your 
 [bad word] and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . .

FZ: 
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a [bad word] 

Terry: 
Don't call me that!

FZ: 
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . . 
Gimme that paper . . . bet yer [bad word] I'll sign . . . 
Because I need a beer,
'N it's [bad word] squeezin' time!

Terry: 
Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . . 
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . .

FZ: 
Oh, yeah?

Terry: 
There was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . . 
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . .

FZ: 
Well, let's make a deal if you think that's [bad word] 
I mean, after all you're the Devil, now . . . 
Whatcha gonna [bad word] on!

Terry: What am I gonna do?
FZ: You can-- You can have my soul . . . 
Terry: What?
FZ: It's a mean little sucker, 'bout a thousand years old . . . 
Terry: You want me to take . . . ?
FZ: But once you gets it . . . 
Terry: Oh, no.
FZ: You can't give it back . . .