Immanuel Kant was a real [bad word] who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently [bad word] 

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away
half a crate of whiskey every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a [bad word] [bad word] 
''I drink, therefore I am.''

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
lovely little thinker, but a bugger when is [bad word]