Oh yes, I know that you're not interested, I see
And I should let you go your way, that would be most mature of me
But I've thought for oh so long and had the best idea yet
That you and I would get along if you would let me be your pet...
 [bad word] 
I'd be the kind to follow everywhere [bad word] your fingers through my hair
Hold me close when you've had a fright
And let me in your bed when it's cold at night [bad word] me real nice behind my ears
And sing me songs after you've had a couple beers
Give me treats when I've done something right
And let me in your bed when it's cold at night

Oh yes, and if my offer smacks of servitude
I only need remind you [bad word] love's course has yet [bad word] real smooth
So now if you will let me near you all the night and day
Well, you will on your own see I do plenty more than sit or stay...
 [bad word] 
Oh yes, and you could ask me where's my sense of pride
And I would tell you I've not had one since I met you last July
So now you see that it is rather foolish to give up 
All of the perks and all the benefits if I were your spaniel pup...
 [bad word] me real nice behind my ears
And sing me songs after you've had a couple beers
Give me treats when I've done something right
And let me in your bed, would you let me in your bed, if you'd let me in your bed when it's cold at night...