and why so many cop movies?
what is the fascination with the police?
i mean, why not make films about
some other public service for a change
like librarians?
good cop, bad cop
straight cop, [bad word] cop
black cop, white cop
girl cop, boy cop
it's a buddy buddy flick
they're thrown together
they don't want to work together
there's no way they'll get on
'cos one follows [bad word] and the other's a maverick
but, the case brings them together
they learn to respect each other's differences
it's got an english or asian villain
a boss who's a [bad word] with a heart of gold
and out-takes at the end

then, the [bad word] the funniest since "four weddings"
"notting hill", "bridget jones"
"about a boy"
it features a man and a woman
who can't possibly get it together
because of the situation
it's 97 minutes long
and 20 minutes form the end
there's a montage
featuring the characters
working hard at what they do
set to a ballad by ronan keating
sheryl crow, texas, gabrielle
do you think they'll get it together?

and the voice-over on the trailer
why is it always a bloke?
why is it always that bloke?
why does he talk like that?
what's wrong with him?

and the feel-good story
about the backward boy genius
and his [bad word] in the world
sickly, sugar coated american fables [bad word] crowe, kevin spacey
sean penn, tom hanks
the performance of a lifetime!
he looks like an idiot
but underneath
he's the same as the rest of us
do you think he'll win through?
do you think he'll win through?
ah, say something else

say something else
say something else
can't you see
that you're boring me?
can't you say
something that means something to me?
say something else
say something else
can't you see
this is boring me?
can't you see
this means nothing to me?

and stop copying other films
i've sat through 20 supernatural thrillers now
the obligatory unpredictable twist
oh! they're dead already!
it's entirely predictable
entirely predictable because
we all saw the "sixth sense"
at exactly the same time as you did

and the british gangster flick
guy ritchie's got a lot to answer for
fast edit
funky soundtrack
trying to be "get carter"
but lost the plot
great, camp british thesps
put on snarling [bad word] accents
and swear a lot
the heist goes wrong [bad word] is rife

and what's with all the logos
at the start of the film?
it used to be just
"20th century fox" or whatever
now it's a, a "cheeky monkey production"
it's a "cheeky monkey title"
it's a "cheeky monkey picture"
it's a "cheeky monkey project"
who cares?
i just want to watch the film
stop it!
stop flattering your corporate egos!

and robert redford
what is the point of robert redford?
"spy games", "bagger vance"
"the last castle", "legal eagles"
pretty boy actor makes bad director
stop giving him money
give it to me
i've got loads of great ideas for movies
one where shirley lee saves the world
one where shirley lee gets to sleep
with lots of beautiful women

and why do you persist
in turning books into movies?
don't you know that the film
is never
never
ever
ever
ever
as good as the book?
it's never
never
ever
ever
ever
as good as the book?
stop it!
say something else

say something else
say something else
can't you see
that you're boring me?
can't you say
something that means something to me?
say something else
say something else
can't you see
this is bo