No beard, No good 
There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood 
And you can tell me you can't 
I know that you could 
You've got no beard and you're, no good 

no 

Well there's a beardless man in the flat next door 
I've never spoken to him before and I never will 
until he grows a beard 

and there's a beardless man in the flat below 
I ignore him when he says hello and I always will 
Until he grows a beard 

Until he grows a beard 

No beard, No good 
There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood 
And you can tell me you can't 
I know that you could 
You've got no beard and you're, no good 

Well there's a beardless boy playing in the street 
I pass him and I spit at his feet, it's his own fault 
He should have had a beard 

And there's a beardless girl I broke her heart 
I also keyed her car, it's her own fault 
She should have had a beard 

She should have had a beard 

No beard, No good 
There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood 
And you can tell me you can't 
I know that you could 
You've got no beard and you're, no good 

Well there's a beardless banker, he calls me on the phone 
He asks me to pay back my loan, but I won't 
Not until he grows a beard 

And there's a beardless man, he calls me son 
He asks me to dinner but I [bad word]  and I won't 
Not until he grows a beard 

Until he grows a beard 

No beard, No good 
There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood 
And you can tell me you can't 
I know that you could 
You've got no beard and therefore you're, no good 

No good, no good, no good