(Dialing)
Bob (Jon): Can't believe this.
B: I'm gonna kill this [bad word] 

*sigh*
Jake (the other guy): Hallo
B: Hello, Jake.

J: Uh, hi there Bob. How is it going?

B: Well, I'm just fun [bad word] tastic, Jake. How are you?

J: Oh, you know. [bad word] 

B: That's just [bad word] great.
Hey. I just spoke to my neighbour that lives across the street from me, and he told me that you came by my house today. While I was at work.

J: Oh, uh. Yeah, yeah, I just popped in there for a few minutes.

B: few minutes? My neighbour says it was more like three hours. So what could you have possibly been doing alone with my wife, in my house, for three hours?

J: Oh, no, no, no. Look, Bob, I—

B: 'Cause you see, a guy like me can get suspicious.

J: Listen, uh. I can explain everything. I, I—

B: Oh, I want you to explain.

J: It's not what you think, um, I-

B: Well, please, Jake, enlighten me, cause I'm really [bad word] curious to know what you were doing.

J: Look, it's nothing. It's stupid, really. I, I went over to your house, around one o'clock (B: huh), and I [bad word] your wife, and I left.

B: Really...

J: Really, I swear. I went over, I [bad word] her for a while, and after we both came, I just went home.

B: Is my name Forest Gump, Jake?

J: Um, what?

B: Answer the [bad word] question! Is my name Forest Gump!

J: Oh, well, no.

B: So why are you treating me like I'm a [bad word] [bad word] 
You expect me to believe that you were in my house for three hours and all you did was [bad word] my wife!

J: Oh, oh, listen, I came over, she, she blew me there for a while (B: aha) I came, so we had to wait a bit. Then we had  in the kitchen, for a while, then we had  in the living room...

B: You're [bad word] lying to me, and I really don't like it Jake. You were in my house for three hours!

J: No, no. It's not- We, you see, we had  a few times, and then she wanted more. She said she was really wet and feeling dirty and she wants more than one [bad word] inside of her (B: Hm). So, um, so we called your brother to see if he wanted [bad word] over and get in on the action, and, and he said 'Yes! ', so we waited around for him for about an hour. That's, that's why it took so long.

B: Hmm. My brother? (J: Uhm)
You and my brother double-teamed my wife?

J: Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, we gave it to her boy. In every hole.

B: Aha. See, that's funny. 'Cause my brother's in Miami this week, Jake. I find
It hard to believe that my brother flew all the way to here from Miami, to double-team my wife with you.

J: I, well, uhh...

B: And you know what the funny thing is? The faucet in my kitchen has been leaking for about three months now. And suddenly today, of all days, it decided to stop leaking.

J: Uh, oh, oh.

B: I'm gonna give you one last chance to answer the question. And if you lie, I guarantee you, you're gonna regret it. What where you doing in my house today!

J: I'm, I'm sorry. Your wife called me, and I didn't, I di-

B: ANSWER THE [bad word] QUESTION!

J: Your wife wanted me to fix the faucet, 'cause she couldn't stand the dripping noise anymore. I didn't want to do it, but she begged me!

B: And what did YOU do! ?

J: I fixed it. I fixed the faucet. I'm so sorry!

B: You [bad word]  [bad word] piece of [bad word]  you [bad word] fix my facet, you backstabbing [bad word] , Now I'm gonna fix your face, you hear me!

J: (crying)

B: I'm gonna fix your [bad word] face! And if you think I'm gonna [bad word] your wife again, you can forget about it man, last night was the last time!

J: No, no please don't do this! -

B: NEVER AGAIN!