Well here’s a little story about a woman that I knew –
It’s no allegory I guarantee it’s all quite [bad word] So I expect you to believe me though you won’t believe your ears
Pay attention, listen up, though you may tremble with fear
You see this woman that I spoke of had a quarrel with her lover;
It seems she had discovered he’d been sleeping with another
And it was on this very spot in June of 1987
That they fought and then he shot her and she died and went to heaven
Or at least that’s what the priest said as he read the funeral rights
But something strange was going on amongst the tombstones that night
Just when everybody thought her immortal soul was saved
We were all quite surprised to learn that she had risen from the grave.

She said “Aloha, I’m back, I’ve got some business to do.
I’ll be back in my casket before the night is through
But first I’ll pay a visit to a certain prison cell
And see my cheating husband, and send him straight to [bad word] ”

We were speechless as she left us to find the fiend she’d married
Til someone said ‘she’s looking good for a girl who’s just been buried
But you know we ought to stop her – should we call up the police?’
I said ‘she’s the living dead – they can do as they please.’
Besides, she was heading to the station house herself
where her husband was awaiting trial in a holding cell
The sergeant was surprised to see a corpse walk through the door
But he said ‘sorry ma’am, visiting hours are 2-4’
She laughed and said ‘I’m dead, and I don’t have all day!
So if you’d kindly stand aside and show me the way?’
And the sergeant said ‘of all right then – he’s in cell #6’
Besides, he thought, I really don’t get paid enough for this.
He was sleeping on his cot when she came into the cell
And ever since the murder he had not slept very well
When he opened up his eyes at first he thought it was a dream
But she began to speak before he had a chance to scream.

She said “Aloha, I’m back, I’ve got some business to do.
I’ll be back in my casket before the night is through
But first I’ll make you pay for your cheating and your lies –
So honey, prepare to die.”

Now some say it was a heart attack, some say it was a stroke
And some will say the whole thing was invented as a joke
But I tell you, it’s a fact and it all happened right here -
When he saw his undead wife, he simply died of fear.

She said “Aloha, I’m back, I’ve got some business to do.
I’ll be back in my casket before the night is through
But first I’ll pay a visit to a certain prison cell
And see my cheating husband, and send him straight to [bad word] ”