Officer why the third degree?
 Told ya, I've been [bad word] since a quarter 'til three
 [bad word] and coke and some pink Chablis
 I'm [bad word] in the mornin' that's the way that I be

 I'm [bad word] when I wake and then I'm [bad word] when I dine
 I'm [bad word] when I hit the unemployment line
 Lost my job when I asked my boss to pay me in wine
 So depressed when I'm sober
 When I'm [bad word] it's cloud nine

 Oprah's not even on yet,
 and I can barely stand
 I drink booze that's been bottled,
 I drink booze from a can
 And I puke in my shoes
 and in my baby grand
 I got hooch shootin' out of my mammary glands!

 It's 10 A.M. and I'm [bad word] as a skunk
 Eggs, bacon and booze
 That's why I've got so much spunk
 Ain't no sobriety test that I haven't flunked
 I've tried bein' sober,
 let me tell you, that stunk
 And now it's not even noon and I'm [bad word] 

 I tried bein' sober that really stunk
 Now it's 10 A.M. and I'm [bad word]