Here's a little story about someone that you know
He was a right famous fellow by the name [bad word] Crowe
I was working at a pub and he was smoking at the bar
That's a crime as you all know in California

So I sidled up the rail, right to where he stood
I said, "I'm sorry Mr. Crowe," as nicely as I could
"You'll have to put that out now, throw it on the floor
If you don't, I'll kick you out and show you to the door."

Well, he squared right up to me, somewhat in surprise
Then he narrowed up his gaze, shot me daggers with his eyes
"If you think you're man enough, go ahead," he said
I was scared for my live so I dalked him in the head

The closest [bad word] to ending up dead
Was the night that I [bad word] Crowe
The Gladiator, in the head

He lifted up his hands put them to his nose
Blood [bad word] through his fingers, dripping on his clothes
His bodyguards ran up, "Get him," shouted Crowe [bad word] " cried Chucky, [bad word] and don't stop until you get to Mexico."

The closest [bad word] to ending up dead
Was the night that I [bad word] Crowe
The Gladiator, in the head

The closest [bad word] to being dead
Was the night that I [bad word] Crowe
The Gladiator, in the head

Oy oy oy

You can't hit me, I'm the Cinderella Man
I'm the Master [bad word]  I'm Australian
You can't hit me, don't you know I'm dangerous
I am the outlaw Ben [bad word] on, tiger
I am Maximus

Oy oy oy...