Well I got in my car and went down to the bar
To relax from a full workin' day
And while drinkin' my beer, I happened to hear
This New York banker type say

That this country's all wrong and that we don't belong
In affairs that are so far away
And so I pushed back my chair
And I stood up right there
And made sure the whole bar heard me say

I'm Totally [bad word] for America
I'm Totally [bad word] for the US of 
From the east to the west
To the North to South

I'd gladly bend down and take Florida in my mouth.
I'd tongue kiss [bad word] And drop my pants to my waist
Then take the Washington Monument all the way to it's base

There ain't a lot of things that make me feel this way
But this country of mine
Makes me totally [bad word] 
Now I know things ain't right 
It's on the news every night
And in the papers almost everyday
I wanna hug Uncle Sam 
Caress his hair with my hand 
And let him know that everything is okay

Maybe give him a quick peck at the nape of his neck [bad word] his shoulders 'til his cares went away
Trace the curves of his thighs 
Then look into his eyes and see if he wants to go 'Hit the Hay'

Cause I'm Totally [bad word] for America
I'm Totally [bad word] for the US of 
I know we could never get married
But he'd never ask me anyway
Cause it would undermine the family
I know that's what he'd say
But we could keep it a secret 
And continue on that way
And I'd be faithful and loyal 'til he threw me away

There ain't a lot of things that make me feel this way
But this country of mine
Makes me totally [bad word]