Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You've gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La

Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La [bad word]  [bad word]  [bad word] ..

No one will know
If you don't want to let them know
No one will know
'less it's you that might tell them so
Call and [bad word] to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetable dream
Vegetable dream
Vegetable dream of responding to you
Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide
TO HIDE, TO HIDE, TO HIDE,...

Shooo, Shooo, Shoo, Shoo ....
You know a lot of people don't bother about there friends in the vegetable kingdom. They, they think: What can I say? Some times they think: Where can I go?
Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
At Ralph's vegetarian poodle clippin', where you [bad word] this...
Where can I go to get organic vaseline for my ????
At Bob and Ray's swaheli restorant, where you [bad word] this close.....
Where can I go to get my jeans embroided at Fullurton?.....
At jeans, at Jeans North where nothing fits
Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood?
Who gives the [bad word] anyway
Where can I go to get my speakers fixed?
Where can I go to get my exit lights?,
At Jack LaLane Hamburgers on 312 Woodier(?) Boulavard.
Where can I go to get my stomach pumped?
Where can I go to colapse
Hey, De-due.

Questions, Questions, Questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. Ah, but it's a great time to be alive ladies and gentlemen. And that's the theme of our program for tonight, "It's so [bad word] GREAT to be alive"! Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. And I'm wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who DOESN'T believe that it is [bad word] GREAT to be alive, I wish that they go now, because this show will only bring them down so much... ]

God Bless America
Land that I love
Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You've gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Oh, that the vegetable will respond to you

And if you are a consenting adult we want you to call today in Los Angeles, the number is Richmond9-6935 , in Downey it's 347-8932.

Call it direct,
Call it collect,
But call it today.