When I was young, I used to be, 
As fine a man as ever you'd see, 
'til the Prince of Wales, he said to me, [bad word] and join the British army. 

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo, 
They're lookin' for monkeys up in the zoo, 
And since when have I had a face like you? 
I'd join the British army. 
 [bad word] baked a cake, 
It's all for poor old Slattery's sake, 
She threw meself into the lake, 
Pretendin' I was balmy. 

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo, 
I've made me mind up what to do, 
Now I'll work me ticket home to you, 
And [bad word] the British army. 

Sergeant Heeley went away, 
And his wife got in the family way, 
And the only words that she could say, 
Was blame the British army. 

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo, 
Me curse upon the Labour blue, 
That took me darlin' boy from me, 
To join the British army. 

Corporal Sheen's a turn o' the 'bout, 
Just give him a couple o' jars o' stout, 
He'll bake the enemy with his mouth, 
And save the British army. 

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo, 
I've made me mind up what to do, 
Now I'll work me ticket home to you, 
And *pluck* the British army.