FIONA:
I had nothing in that tower
Fighting boredom by the hour.
Princess lonely
Walking circles
I had only...

Bare essentials
army cot
a hot plate and chamber pot.
And every morning I would boil it.
No choice I had no toilet.
Just a view of devastation
out one window, isolation
in my bedroom
and very little headroom
Twenty years I sat and waited
I'm very dedicated
On the walls the days were added
Luckily those walls were padded
so...

I think I got you beat
I think I got you beat
yeah, yeah yeeeaaahh,
I think I got you beat
I think I got you beat.

SHREK:
(spoken)Oh you think so. That was a sad story but
I've heard better I'm just saying
for effort thanks for playing
Sad to see a princess suffer
But I had it rougher
Like that time a mob with torchers burned my britches
See the scorches
You're just whiney
I had a flaming hiney
As I fled I had to wonder
If I were torn asunder
Would an ogre go to Heaven
Did I mention I was seven?
So...
I think I got you beat. yeah, yeah, yeah
I think I got you beat.
I think I got you beat.

FIONA:
No warm regards

SHREK:
No Christmas cards

FIONA:
And every day

SHREK:
Was [bad word] on earth day.

FIONA:
(spoken)Okay top this.
I missed my prom

SHREK:
My dad and mom sent me away,
it was my birthday.

FIONA:
(spoken)I was sent away on Christmas Eve. Haha.

FIONA/SHREK:
(repeated lines)
My dad and mom sent me away...

FIONA:
So...

SHREK:
So...