customer!
Wait! What's [bad word]  What's yer hurry?
You gave me such a--
Fright. I thought you was a ghost.

Half a minute, can'tcher?
Sit! Sit ye down!
Sit!
All I meant is that I 
Haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Did [bad word] here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if my head's a little vague--
What is that?
But you'd think we had the plague--
From the way that people--
keep avoiding--
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no [bad word] in even to inhale--
Right you are, sir. would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can't hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London,
I know why nobody cares to take them--
I should know,
I make them.
But good? No,
The worst pies in London--
Even that's polite.
The worst pies in London--
If you doubt it take a bite.

Is that just, disgusting?
You have to concede it.
It's nothing but [bad word] -
Here drink this, you'll need it--
The worst pies in London--

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
when you get it.
Never thought I'd live to see the day men'd think it was a treat
Finding poor
Animals
Wot are dying in the street.

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop,
Does a business, but I notice something weird--
Lately, all her neighbors' cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her--
Wot I calls
Enterprise,
Popping pussies into pies.
Wouldn't do in my shop--
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.
And I'm telling you them [bad word] cats is quick. 

No denying times is hard, sir--
Even harder than 
The worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more--
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty,
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like--
Well, pity
woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London!

Ah sir,
Times is hard. Times is hard.