We took the freeway out of town 
We found a place to settle down 
We bought a driveway and a swingset and a dog 
You got your very own bathroom 
I got my very own workshop in the basement 

We sit around staring at the wall-to-wall 
Take field trips to our favorite mall 
Waiting for the day when all the kids grow up and leave us here 

If you need me 
I’ll be downstairs 
With the shop vac 
You can call but I probably won’t hear you 
Because it’s loud with the shop vac on 
But you’ll be OK 
Cause you’ll be upstairs 
With the TV 
You can cry and I probably won’t hear you 
Because it’s loud with the shop vac on 

We hung a flag above the door 
Checked out the gourmet grocery store 
I bought a mower I can ride around the yard 
But we haven’t got real friends 
And now even the fake ones have stopped calling 

Maybe if you forget to hide the keys 
I’ll take a ride to Appleby’s 
 [bad word] home [bad word] on daiquiris and throw up on the neighbor’s lawn 

If you need me 
I’ll be downstairs 
With the shop vac 
You can call but I probably won’t hear you 
Because it’s loud with the shop vac on 
But you’ll be OK 
Cause you’ll be upstairs 
With the TV 
You can cry and I probably won’t hear you 
Because it’s loud with the shop vac on 

I like the Starbucks here that’s better than the other one 
Cause the other one’s not as good 
They really need to put a light there cause it’s hard to turn 
It’s hard to make a left turn 

And when it’s time to go to bed 
I’m still awake inside my head 
I’m floating up above the house and looking down 
I guess I gotta go back there 
I guess there never was any other answer 

And as the freeway hums the cars go by 
The headlights roll across the sky 
Many miles away but I can see them speeding through the dark 

If you need me 
I’ll be downstairs 
With the shop vac 
You can call but I probably won’t hear you 
Because it’s loud with the shop vac on 
But you’ll be OK 
Cause you’ll be upstairs 
With the TV 
You can cry and I probably won’t hear you 
Because it’s loud with the shop vac on