Long ago in days of yore 
It all began with a god named Thor 
There were Vikings and boats 
And some plans for a furniture store 
It’s not a bodega, it’s not a mall 
And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine 
As if there were apartments smaller than mine 

Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen 
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men 
Everyone has a home 
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there 

So rent a car or take the bus 
Lay your cash down and put your [bad word] 
In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size 
Billy the bookcase says hello 
And so does a table whose name is Ingo 
And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl 

Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen 
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men 
Everyone has a home 
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there 

Ikea: plywood, [bad word] steel 
Ikea: meatballs, tasty 
Ikea: Allen wrenches 
All of them for free 
All of them for me 

I’m sorry I said Ikea sucks 
I just bought a table for 60 bucks 
And a chair and a lamp 
And a shelf and some candles for you 
I was a doubter just like you 
Till I saw the American [bad word] [bad word] 
In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade 

Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen 
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men 
Everyone has a home 
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there