the humble and righteous and meek are teaching me whose will to seek but who really knows how to speak about these things questions of where can he go when he is feeling so low and kicking himself just to show how he still bleeds and i want to know the difference between what sparkles and what is gold i wonder how many eyes are fixed like a vultures on me now i wonder if i can even move or breathe without disappointing someone and i know what they call themselves but i don't remember inviting them to put me on this pedestal and make me feel so naked afraid to look down afraid to turn around i bring it on myself i know i bring it on myself and i want to know the difference between what sparkles and what is gold i walked along beside the purple mountains beneath the orange sky imagined what it all might look like with these planks out of my eyes i wondered if the big white horse [bad word] down tonight i wanted to taste that victory but my mouth was dry my mouth was dry (there is only tonight and the light that bleeds from your heart makes me want to try and start again).