Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97. Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you one tip for the future, sunscreen
would be it. The
long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the
rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my
own meandering
experience... I will dispense this advice now

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh,
nevermind, you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until
they've faded. But [bad word] me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way
you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous
you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that
worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by
chewing bubblegum. The
real toubles in life are apt to be things that never
crossed your worried
mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle
Tuesday

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't
put up with people who
are reckless with your's.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're
ahead, sometimes you're
behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself.
 [bad word] you receive. Forget the
insults. If you suceed in doing
this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank
statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do
with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22
what they wanted to do
with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still
don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're
gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll
have children, maybe you
won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance
the funky chicken on
your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do,
don't congratulate
yourself too much or berate yourself either - your
choices are half chance,
so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can... don't be
afraid of it, or what
other people think of it... it's the greatest [bad word] you'll ever own.

Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in
your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines they will only make
you feel UGLY.
 [bad word] Brother and sister together we'll make it through.
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there.
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you.
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they
might be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they're your best link to your
past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future

Understand that [bad word] and go, but for the
precious few you should
hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography
and lifestyle because the
older you get, the more you need the people you knew
when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes
you hard. Live in
Northern California once, but leave before it makes
you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable [bad word]  Prices will rise,
Politicians will
philander, you too will get old. And when you do, you'll
fantasize that when
you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians
were noble, and children
respected their elders.

Respect your elders.