Cleopatra's favorite cat
Got his hands on Caesar's spats
The heat was on as you could see
So he front 'em to Mark Antony.
Said, "My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me."

Caesar had an eye for clothes
He saw them spats and said, "I like those."
Caesar had no thing to say, except,
"Jesu Christi Domine,
Et tu, [bad word] 
Jesu Christi Domine,
Et tu, [bad word] "

The senate tried to sympathize
It was the cat they should despise
Informant told his whereabouts
Centurions to seek him out

Centurions! There go the centurions.
 [bad word] had to turn his head
When THIS cat done went and said,
"If he's got this thing for shoes,
He just might be ambitious, too.
They got holidays all in his name,
And all a tyrant needs is fame.
Those fascists don't play pretty games
Egypt is the place to be...
But Rome is a democracy.
Rome!"

Caesar never got them back
'Cause they killed his [bad word] in the second act. [bad word] spoke, then Antony:
Said, "My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me.
Friends, Romans, can't you see
My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me
Egypt's biggest rivalry:
Cleopatra's cat and me."