On the western side of Quahog, 
if you'd care [bad word] along, 
there's a club that's so exclusive
that the line is ten miles long.

Where the [bad word] to party 
and to spend their fathers' cash 
- just to take home [bad word] women 
and then wake up with a rash. 
Yeah they wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up with a rash!

Take me out to pLace tonight, 
where the wool knit caps are tight!
And the guys in hooded sweatshirts
have forgotten that they're white.
Take me out to pLace tonight, 
where a dude can pick a fight
Over who takes home that smoking
Chinese bar [bad word] ..on the right...
There's a throng of trendy people and
they're streched around the block. 
And there's one unpleasant deaf guy 
who just really shouldn't talk.

Vodka tonic please.

There's a chick who's kind of Persian, 
and a broad with zero fat. 
And a giant human monkey. 
Oh no wait, that's Spencer Pratt

Yeah, you're right...that's Spencer Pratt

Take me out to pLace tonight, 
to a bathroom stall delight
Where a girl will help you empty 
every last electrolyte
Take me out to pLace tonight
where there ain't no cellulite, 
and we'll drink ourselves insane 
until we're feeling... dynamite!