From far beyond the galaxies I've journeyed to this place
To study the behavior patterns of the human race
And I find them highly illogical

Girl meets boy they fall in love
She says he's everything she's dreamed of
But when they get married before he's aware
She changes his habits the way [bad word] his hair
She changes him to someone he's never been
And [bad word] he's not like other men
Now really I find this most illogical

Take the case of your automobiles
Greatest invention since man discovered wheels
Hydromatic overdrive four-on-the-floor
Pushbutton windows pushbutton doors
Double barreled [bad word] you anyplace
But you never can find a parking space
Highly illogical

Take the case of modern man
He works all his life gives it all he can
Saves all his money works overtime
Pinches every penny banks every dime
All he can think about is money but you know
That he can't take it with him where he's going to go
Now I find that fascinatingly illogical

Now is the time to journey home to tell of what I've learned
My people I believe have every right to be concerned
For in spite [bad word] and advanced psychology
Behavior patterns are still a mystery
I predict the future of this earthly human race
Is that having made a mess of Earth They'll move to outer space
Well there goes the neighborhood
 [bad word]  absolutely, irrevocably, highly illogical