She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee 
Her dress has got a tear 
She waltzes on her way to Mass 
And whistles on the stair 
And underneath her wimple 
She has curlers in her hair 
I even heard her singing in the abbey 

She's always late for chapel 
But her penitence is real 
She's always late for everything 
Except for every meal 
I hate to have to say it 
But I very firmly feel 
Maria's not an asset to the abbey 

I'd like to say a word in her behalf 
Maria makes me laugh 

How do you solve a problem like Maria? 
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? 
How do you find a word that means Maria? 
flibbertijibbet! will-o'-the wisp! clown! 

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her 
Many a thing she ought to understand 
But how do you make her stay 
And listen to all you say 
How do you keep a wave upon the sand 

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria? 
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? 

When I'm with her I'm confused 
Out of focus and bemused 
And I never know exactly where I am 
Unpredictable as weather 
She's as flighty as a feather 
She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb! 

She'd outpester any pest 
Drive a hornet from its nest 
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl 
She is gentle! She is wild! 
She's a riddle! She's a child! 
She's a headache! She's an angel! 
She's a girl! 

How do you solve a problem like Maria? 
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? 
How do you find a word that means Maria? 
flibbertijibbet! will-o'-the wisp! clown! 

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her 
Many a thing she ought to understand 
But how do you make her stay 
And listen to all you say 
How do you keep a wave upon the sand 

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria? 
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?