This is for my little girl 
My lady gives birth today  [bad word] to her room right away 
She smiles with glee, and hands her to me 
I look at my newborn and say 
 [bad word] that's an ugly baby  [bad word] that's an ugly [bad word] baby 
I'm feeling quite concerned 
My [bad word] must have turned 
'Cause [bad word] that's an ugly baby 

I can't believe this came from me 
I think her mom did too much LSD 
she's skinny like a twig 
at least her nuts are big 
but the placenta is cuter than she 
 [bad word] that's an ugly baby 
God [bad word] that's an ugly [bad word] baby 
I can't take her home today 
She'll scare the dog away 
'cause [bad word] that's an ugly baby 

And when she smiles I find 
Shane [bad word] to mind 
It makes me want to cry 
When I look into her good eye 
I always wanted kids 
Is it wrong to hope for SIDS? 
Then the doctor calls me in 
Mr. Lynch she has a twin 
 [bad word] that's a good-lookin' baby 
One for two on the good lookin' babies 
I almost start to weep 
Now this one we can keep 
cause that was an ugly [bad word] .. 
 [bad word] that's an ugly baby (x4) 
She's got one good tooth and one ear and one eye 
And thank god just one nose, but it's on her left thigh 
Now doctor I am asking you guy to guy 
Would a really really really late term abortion still fly?
Oh no, not me!
I don't want no ugly baby! 
I said [bad word] that's an ugly [bad word] baby [bad word] that's an ugly [bad word] baby...