June fourth 2005 will always be remembered 
as the day that I looked in to the mirror 
and confirmed my suspicion... I'm losing my hair.

I could take a pill called Propecia, 
it causes pain in just one nut and that freaks me out.
I could join the hair club for man, 
the salesman told me it's only as much as a car 
to get a transplant, with only tree weeks of head scabs 
that's not for me... No!
If it's balding I am, it's a bald guy I'm gonna be!

I know I'm not alone, every room I go to some dude knows how I feel, 
It's just hair, if we were [bad word] evolved we woudn't have that [bad word] anywhere.
I can't change the way I look, but I can change how I look at it, 'cuz if it's up to me
If it's balding I am, it's a bald guy I'm gonna be!
 [bad word] Willis is [bad word] hot 
and captain Picard is generally regarded as y, 
I look just like that dude from Snatch.
I'll just start working out and buy some clothes I'll be so cool, 
no one will notice I'm a bald guy.
Gonna be a bald guy
Gonna be a bald guy